Parents Dealing with Cancer

Children are notorious for asking tough questions, especially when they are first diagnosed with cancer. Here are a few common tough questions and some answers that other parents have given their children.

“Mom, Am I dying?” Son, everyone is born, lives and dies, we just don’t know when to expect death. Great grandma died due to old age, the neighbor died in a car crash, Uncle Ed was only supposed to live until he was 12 but now he is in his 90′s. We never know when we are going to die but everyone dies eventually. We want to simply treasure life here and now and not worry about when we are going to die.

“Dad, I don’t want a central line” A central line is a good thing. Without it, you’ll have to have an IV started each and every treatment. IV’s can be very uncomfortable and painful and in the way. A central line can be kept out of site when not in use and no one else needs to know you even have it. You’ll appreciate the many benefits it offers.

“I don’t want to lose my hair”  I know sweetie, losing your hair seems like the worst thing right now. One day you will look back and realize that losing your hair was only a minor detail. It will grow back. In the meantime, we can buy you hats, scarves or wigs but we can never replace you. This is only temporary. (In many cases hospitals have a department that offers hats, scarves and wigs to children undergoing chemotherapy treatments. Many teens also find friends or family members willing to shave their heads so that they aren’t alone in this dilemma.)

“Do I still have to go to school?” Yes, you do. Education is important. If we need to, we can use a tutor, home school and then attend class when you’re feeling up to it. You’ll want to have a good education when you grow up. (Bonus to this one is that you show the child that you fully expect for them to recover.)

“Why am I sick? Did I do something wrong?” No, you didn’t do anything wrong. Sometimes our bodies just have medical problems and we don’t always know why.

There are many other questions that can be challenging for parents to answer. Think the answer through before giving it and make sure that your child can see that there is always hope.

English: friendship (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Cancer can make or break a friendship. Often those that think they are friends are so terrified by the disease that they back way off and become unavailable, and that’s okay. Perhaps it’s better to back off if you’re so afraid you’ll ruin a friendship by your thoughts or actions. Perhaps you were never really friends at all you only thought you were.

If you want a friend, you have to be a friend. That’s really all that anyone wants. Cancer doesn’t define a person, cancer is simply a condition that a person may or may not have.

Most cancer survivors don’t want to dwell on their past medical histories. Most are simply grateful for survival and wish to simply live life like anyone else. So it comes as no surprise to me anymore when I find that someone I’ve known for years is a cancer survivor. I mean there are so many other aspects of friendship to go over than ones past medical history.

True friendship is rare,  if you find someone special in this world you should tell him or her that their friendship is valuable to you.  Sometimes you will find yourself in a situation when you can not really express your true feelings in just a few words.

This is the turning point when friendship quotes become handy. There are lots of kind of quotes, some are funny some are ridiculous and most of them are about long lasting love. If you want to sum up your good time with your friend you just need to browse through friendship quotes, find something meaningful and share it with your friend.

Building a friendship is a life long adventure. Cancer doesn’t change friendship. It may deepen a friendship or it may weed out acquaintances vs friends, but it doesn’t change it.

It’s the little things that count and add up. A simple phone call, a card or a letter, a simple gift. The thought is the most important part. If you truly care about someone let that rule the friendship. Don’t worry about the little things, they all seem to have a way of working themselves out.

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Every so often we find someone who is so inspiring that we wonder if they’re perhaps an angel in disguise.

This person may never cross our path again or they may cross it on a daily basis. Either way, we wonder why we never noticed before.

Sometimes we don’t even realize we’ve met this “angel” until well after our own personal crisis has long since passed.

We met several “angels” during our daughter’s cancer treatment. Here are a few I’d like to acknowledge.

The lady who was selling photographs at a flea market came running up to me and said she wanted to give me a picture. She didn’t know our story and our balding daughter was in my arms. I smiled and walked with her back to the trunk of her car where she pulled out a box of photos to choose from. I chose the one that fit my mood that day. A scene with some rocks, a few weeds and a lone yellow flower stood out. That flower seemingly grew out of the rocks amongst the weeds and was thriving. That is how I saw my daughter at the time. Thriving amongst the weeds. I still have that photo today and our daughter is doing well and has been in remission for 10 years now.

I’ll call her “T”. T is a child life specialist that reached out to us from the moment we walked into the hospital scene. She stopped by our room daily and inquired about things and offered help when needed. She listened and gave above and beyond what was needed in our lives. To this day T is an encouragement to our family and many many others going through what we have gone through. Thank you T for all you’re hard work and your loving attitude!

Volunteers who would sit and play with our daughter so I could have a break to take a walk, eat or simply pray. You took the time to make a difference. Thank you so much for your time.

Our former church family that made us the “Christmas Family” when we were down and out financially. Thank you for all your wonderful help that year! It means a lot to this day.

All of the people that took the time to make a casserole or dinner and feed us after long stays at the hospital. We appreciate each and every one of you.

My parents for all their sacrifice in moving to another country to help us out when we were travelling back and forth to the hospital so often.

My oldest son who gave up his job and life on the opposite side of the state and came back home to help with his siblings.

Angels come in many forms, be sure to look around you and thank your angels each and every day.

How many angels can you identify in your lives or while you were going through treatment or had a loved one going through treatment? Are you paying this forward?

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During treatment its so easy to want to give up. After watching your child vomit for hours you wonder is the treatment worse than the disease itself.

Its easy to let depression seep into our lives when we lose focus on the end result. Remembering that the immediate is only temporary and focusing on the overall picture will go far in helping you to cope and reach the ultimate goal of being cancer free.

When you want to give up stop for a moment and remind yourself that this is only temporary. The vomiting will pass. The exhaustion will pass and ideally you’ll look back on the situation one day and realize it actually went much faster than you realized at the time.

Think back 3 to 5 years and remind yourself of  what life was like then, now project yourself 3 to 5 years ahead and picture a healthy child and family.

Allow yourself a few minutes to whine and complain and then get back up on the horse of life and get on with it.

Stay focused on the power of positive thinking and prayer and don’t let yourself be drug down by thoughts of failure and depression.

Thank God for each and every treasured moment in life. Cherish each and every second. Live in the moment and treasure it.

Pick up a positive book and read it aloud to your child, even if your child is sleeping read it out loud. It will help you to re center yourself and your child will hear it even if he or she is sleeping.

So you’ve just been diagnosed with cancer, now what? Here are some suggestions to

cancer 2011 (Photo credit: mike r baker)

get you going on your “Cancer Plan”.

Ask Questions

Find out everything you can find out regarding the treatment options and the type of cancer you have. Ask your doctor, pharmacist, read medical journals and then ask more questions. There is no such thing as a dumb question. Take a notepad and pen with you so that you can record the doctors answers. You will want to refer to them later.

Treatment Options

Many different types of cancer have many different types of treatment options. Ask your doctor which treatment is right for you and why. Take a notepad and pen with you so that you can record the doctors answers. You will want to refer to them later.

Set Up Your Posse

Consider all of your friends and family and have a heart to heart with those that are closest to you. Ask them to be willing to talk you through treatments, give you encouragement, help you remember things after treatments etc. Perhaps some of them will even be willing to go with you to treatments. Don’t go overboard here and rely on just one person or that person can easily become burned out on the situation. Rotate who goes with you to treatment, rotate who helps you out on occasion at home when you need it.

Prioritize

Prioritize your treatment and care. If you can pass other responsibilities off to another family member or a friend, do so. This is an important step in your recovery. That’s not to say you can’t do anything for yourself, but during the roughest times get some help. Remember, you’re not dying, you’re living so this is only temporary while you recover. Each and every day will feel different health wise so be prepared to change your days plans at any given moment.

Relax

It’s a well known fact that the human body heals at its optimum when we are resting. So rest up and allow your body to heal. Take some time out for yourself and don’t feel guilty about it. Read those novels you’ve always wanted to read. Keep a journal and publish it when you’re done.

Time

You didn’t get sick overnight and you won’t be getting well overnight either. Be patient and remember that the treatment has to have time to work. Some days are going to be rough but that doesn’t mean you’re not getting well.

Diet

Cancer medications can often change the taste of your favorite foods. You may prefer something more bland during treatments. Try different foods when your favorites don’t appeal to you. Eat a healthy balanced diet and avoid anything the doctors tell you to avoid.

Gratitude Journal

Many a patient has started a gratitude journal. Simply put, a journal where they write whatever they’re thankful for down. Later, if they’re feeling depressed, they can review this journal and often it will help to bring them out of the depression.

Just as everyone’s life journey is different, everyone’s “Cancer Plan” will be different. There is no right or wrong way to set up your cancer plan. Follow what works best for you and soon you’ll be coming out from the other side of this dark tunnel with restored health.

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In today’s world we’re always in a hurry to get here or there and do this or that. One reason we’re so stressed is that we don’t slow down and take things as they come. Here are some tips to help us slow down, take things as they come and live in the moment.
Exercise
Exercise daily, even if you only have 10 minutes. If your child is in the hospital for treatment and you’re one of those stay with the child moms take a break and walk around the hospital for at least 10 minutes twice per day. It will help you to feel better, give you an emotional release and you’ll feel more able to cope when you return to your little one.
Meditate
Meditate on the good things you have in life. Whether you concentrate on a Bible verse or a simple saying take a few moments of quiet time and meditate upon these thoughts at least once per day.
Hobby
Find a relaxing fun hobby. Perhaps you knit or crochet. Maybe you enjoy puzzles. Whatever it is use it to release your stress and relax.

Let It Go
Let go of the little things that don’t really matter. Ask yourself, “20 years from now will it really matter”? Yes your child’s life will matter but will it matter that you didn’t get that latte? or that you forgot your toothbrush? It’s easy to get caught up in the little things. Learn to laugh about things in a positive fashion.

Stay in the present. Live with your child in the moment you’re in and treasure that moment. Today is the present, open it.

Focus on what’s great about your life, who you are, what you’re doing and how you’re doing it. Ignore the stupid things that are irritating and let them go. Your life will be more fulfilling as a result of this step.

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As you go about your day today think about the moments you have. Every one of us is given the same amount of hours in a day. As a parent of a cancer survivor, and also a parent of an angel, I treasure deeply each moment with my surviving child.

Next time you’re tempted to yell at your child, or just want a few minutes to yourself, stop and think…”What if my child was no longer here with me”. Allow your child to be a child and treasure each and every moment. We never know when it might be their last.

Children are always learning. Each moment is a learning opportunity to treasure. Treasure those learning moments!

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If you’re struggling with a new diagnosis of cancer, or simply want to find a way to help a family dealing with cancer, American Childhood Cancer Organization is a great place to start.

Helping families with a new diagnosis deal with the issues that come up; raising money to help the families in need; sponsoring events that benefit the families of cancer patient; They’re here to help you deal with everything that comes up.

Check out their October newsletter and see what they’ve been up to with the link below.

http://www.mynewsletterbuilder.com/email/newsletter/1411013349

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I have a plaque that sits on my organ at home. I want to share it with you, my readers. It often reminds me that there are things that Cancer cannot do to my life and to my family.

It reads:

What Cancer Cannot Do

Cancer cannot cripple Love,

it actually makes it overflow.

Cancer cannot shatter Hope,

it actually clarifies what hope is for.

Cancer cannot corrode Faith,

it actually strengthens faith’s

convictions.

Cancer cannot conquer the Spirit

because courage faces

cancer’s affliction.

There is no author listed on this plaque. Just great words of comfort and wisdom. Perhaps this is a good time to list the things that cancer cannot do in our lives.